StoryCorps Shorts: Still the One

♪♪ ♪♪ -Two days before Thanksgiving, in 1997, I said, "What's going on?"

And then you said, "I can't tell you, because if I do, you'll leave me and take the children, and I'll never see them again."

And I said, "You'd probably better tell me, then, 'cause you can't leave it hanging like that."

-You can't leave it like that.

So that's when I told you.

-First thing I remember is you said that you were in the wrong body, that you should be a man.

-And if it had seemed to me that I was going to lose you and I was gonna lose the kids, I would have said, "Okay, I'm not transitioning."

But you told me that we'll work it out.

You know, we were walking through a territory without a map, because we didn't have anybody ahead of us.

-And we just kind of fell out of holding hands when we were walking along the street.

-Spontaneous affection -- we couldn't do it comfortably anymore.

-A lot of it was me because it became clear that I would be perceived as gay.

But, at one point, I realized that I didn't fall in love with a couple of body pieces.

I decided, "This is the person."

-And I was still the same person.

-More so.

More like the fun person I remembered from 30-odd years ago than before the transition.

-Amanda was 7 at this point.

And I explained to her where this was going.

And she burst into tears and threw herself onto my lap.

And she says, "Oh, please, don't change into a man.

If you have to change into anything, couldn't it be a cat?"

And that was not a question I had prepared myself to answer.

I mean, I was kind of stunned.

Do you remember, Amanda?

-Uh, barely.

Like, I was 7.

-I think I was 11, right?

10, 11?

-10.

-I was really worried about you not wanting to be my mother anymore.

So it was pretty intense.

-Did you guys ever feel like maybe it was your fault, that something that you guys had done -- -You made that pretty dang clear, that it had nothing to do with us.

-What were you most concerned about when you told us?

-Well, you know, girls learn how to be women from their mothers.

-Right.

-And I was terrified that I was gonna totally screw you up.

And my only defense against that, in my mind, was to go, "They'll see love," and have that be what makes a relationship work.

-So, and this is a little scary for me to ask, were you ever prepared to not see us again or...?

-No, that was never, ever an option.

-Okay.

-I mean, it's just been amazing to watch you.

You stuck with it.

You persisted.

And every year, my -- my respect for you grows and grows.

Love you.

-Love you.

[ Both chuckle ] ♪♪ ♪♪